Digestive disarray part 2

Hi guys, I’m back with digestive disarray part 2 🙈 I don’t really know what the point of this blog is to be honest, but I find it therapeutic to blog my way through testing times. I find it easier than turning to those around me, as I feel like they’d never understand my situation. My symptoms of Marfan syndrome & the associated conditions are so unpredictable that I barely understand them myself, so how can I explain them to others? How can I explain that some days are better than others when I don’t even understand that myself? I don’t know why I suffer more some days than others. I don’t know why my symptoms are severe one day, but okay the next. 

Yesterday’s digestive disarray wasn’t quite as bad as the day before, but it was still hard to deal with. My lunch & breakfast went down without too much drama. I felt a little bloated & sick but nothing too dramatic. I was hungry yesterday because my stomach was pretty empty after vomiting so much on Sunday. So I was ready for a teatime meal & I hoped it would go down as well as lunch & breakfast. However, it seems my hopes were too high & my chicken & rice didn’t quite digest in the way I wanted it to. I felt awfully bloated for over 2 hours after eating & I tried my best not to throw up but I became dreadfully nauseous & couldn’t keep it all down. I wasn’t as sick as the day before so that’s something, but I didn’t want to vomit at all. I wanted to do what normal people do and eat a meal without feeling bloated & sick. It’s not that I’m not hungry. It’s not that I don’t like good food, because I do. It’s just my digestive tract doesn’t like it. I still have some more tests to go through before I see my consultant again, but he believes I have a dysmotility disorder, most likely gastroparesis.  It’s really hard to explain what gastroparesis is, but it basically just means that the digestive system doesn’t function like it should. So food moves really slowly which usually results in me vomiting or feeling bloated all day every day. 

I tend to internalise my feelings a lot, simply because I don’t feel able to be open with those around me. I don’t feel like they’d fully grasp the concept of my life with Marfan syndrome even if I told them. So I just deal with the symptoms & carry on as if none of this bothers me. Because realistically, I look outwardly healthy, so I can’t really have all these health problems, can I? I’m hoping for a better day gastro wise today. I’ve got an appointment to go to, so I’m crossing my fingers & hoping for a more settled day.